20 Reasons You've Lived In DC Too Long
  1. When out-of-towners bring up Marion Barry, you tend to take his side.
  2. You like visiting Baltimore because you think it's ethnic and, well... kind of cool.
  3. You know someone who lives in Annandale.
  4. You fantasize about knocking over all the tourists who stand on the left on Metro escalators.
  5. You have an opinion on the renovation of Eastern Market or the construction of the WWII Memorial, or worse yet, have given money to one of the sides.
  6. You know all the words to the Redskins Fight Song.
  7. You not only would argue vociferously that DC deserves a baseball team, you can easily present logical arguments about why the past two Senators teams leaving the city don't count.
  8. You know someone who was actually raised in or around Washington.
  9. You can navigate the George Washington Parkway from Alexandria to the Key Bridge, without going over the Memorial Bridge by mistake.
  10. All your out-of-town guest has to say are the words "can you take us to see the monuments at night," and you'll run screaming from the room.
  11. You can drive across the mall without noticing the museums, the monuments, or the Capitol.
  12. You know how to find a book in the Library of Congress.
  13. Forget naming the Cabinet Secretaries, forget being friends with at least a handful of Schedule C people; you know where just about every famous person likes to eat lunch, where they work out, and where they get their hair done.
  14. If you need to go to some random Metro station you've never been at before (say, for example, Twinbrook or PG Plaza), you can put the right amount of money on your farecard while barely glancing at the confusing and conflicting information in the station.
  15. You remember any of the following:
    • Pentagon City before the mall;
    • Millie & Al's before it became a travesty;
    • Adams Morgan when it was cool;
    • Georgetown when it was safe;
    • Hechingers, Garfinkels, Woodies, People's Drugs, or just about any bank other than NationsBank and First Union;
    • the "burgeoning" U Street Corridor;
    • Pennsylvania Avenue as an excellent means to get from downtown to Georgetown;
    • the annex to the Post Office Pavillion;
    • living, breathing stores on the block between 10th & 11th, E and F, NW.
  16. You can't read the Post or the Times, because you know the truth behind their front page stories better than they do, or at least you know enough to see how slanted their reporting is.
  17. Somewhere in some long forgotten drawer, you have a "Statehood Now" button.
  18. You can take Rock Creek Parkway from Georgetown to East-West Highway, or you can successfully get on to Connecticut or 16th Street (north of the Tunnel) at the exit point of your choice.
  19. Forget knowing people in the White House who can get you on a midnight tour; you know people who work for AOL.
  20. You don't think August is really all that hideously hot.

Submitted By: Doug "Yes, That's My Real Name" Sunshine
Jun 26, 1998 14:13

This joke is rated: PG