In a strange coincidence Friday morning, Kendall FL residents simultaneously began to sing pop hits from the 70s and 80s. "Billy, Don't Be A Hero" and "Play That Funky Music, White Boy" echoed through the pleasant treelined streets of this small Southern community.
"It was the darnest thing. I was sitting here having breakfast when suddenly I heard singing. Many, many voices sang bad songs loudly. I felt compelled to join in." Explained a resident. "What are the odds of this happening? For approximately 2500 residents to independently and simultaneously sing the same songs? And why these songs?" Asked a perplexed mayor. "This was a classic case of Simultaneous Enticement." Stated a local Baptist minister. "Evil influences may be operating here. First, it's the singing of pop hits. Next, the masses may begin to dance. Then what?! Fornication in the streets?!" "This was not spontaneous! It was a conspiracy!" Stated a local conspiracy theorist. "It could be something in the water." Stated a city engineer. "Neurotoxins may be the culprit, causing mass dementia. Stranger things have happened." The mood in Kendall is tense, as residents ponder potential future occurences.
DP-FL-03-17-00 1849EST Copyright 2000 By AF Waddell@The Disassociated Press. The information c ontained in the DP news report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or o therwise distributed without the prior written authority of The Disassociated Press.
In yet another strange incident Wednesday, the citizens of Kendall, Florida simultaneously broke into a group rendition of a 70s era disco dance. "I was having my usual breakfast. Two eggs over easy, Pop Tarts, toast, sausage, coffee, juice. Peering out of my window I could not but notice hourdes of people dancing in the streets. 'Do The HUStle!!' reverberated through the neighborhood from boom boxes. I suddenly had an urge to wear polyester and platform shoes. It was frightening." Stated an unidentified Kendall resident. "Mommy and Daddy were funny! They put on funny clothes, went outside, and did funny things!" Giggled an adorable 6 year old girl. "I thought that the 70s were over." Stated Kendall's mayor. "However, this incident brought back many fond memories for me and the Mrs. . . John Travolta was my hero! The BeeGees rocked." "I told you so." Stated the local Baptist minister. "First, it was the singing of decadent pop hits. Now this. I shudder to think of what possible incidents may lie ahead." He pondered. "It could be somethin' in tha watah." Stated a city spokeman by phone. "Them neurotoxins could be tha culprit. Now don't y'all call here agin!" The media began flocking to Kendall last week, when its citizens had simultaneously broken into song.
Sources say that there is a made for TV movie in the works. Representatives from Hollywood have begun to filter into this sleepy Southern town. The mood continues to be tense as citizens await more possible occurences. "If this thing is not a hoax, then the stage is certainly set for one. We are now talking potential fame and big bucks. At this point, I would not put it past some to actually stage incidents. We shall see." Concluded the mayor.
DP-FL-03-24-00 1849EST Copyright 2000 By AF Waddell@The Disassociated Press. The information c ontained in the DP news report may not be published, broadcast, r ewritten or otherwise distributed without the prior written a uthority of The Disassociated Press.
Kendall FL remained under public scrutiny, as yet a third strange occurence rocked their small community. Previously, all residents had simultaneously broken into song, and had disco danced, in two separate incidents.
Media and Hollywood representatives have infiltrated the small town in preparation for a made for tv movie.
Citizens then awoke Wednesday to find that yard sales had been mysteriously set up completely throughout their town. "I had just gotten up. I was having breakfast. Eggs, toast, hash browns, coffee, juice. I peered out of my East kitchen window only to notice tables set up in the front yard. Personal items, clothing, knickknacks, old appliances, and paperback books were displayed there. 'Mabel!' I said. That's my wife's name, Mabel . . .'Mabel, I didn't know that we were having a yard sale.' 'What?!' She responded, shocked. We don't know how this happened. It's spooky." Stated a resident. "It's pathetic. I awoke to see my stuff spread across my front yard. Some of this stuff I had not seen for years. It made me sad. I almost cried." Stated an unidentified resident. "Well, I had been meaning to do this anyway. Might as well go ahead and have the sale." Said another. "I told you so." Stated a local Southern Baptist minister. "This is clearly the devil's work. First, it was singing, then dancing, now this. The sanctity of our sh*t and our stuff has been violated. Is nothing sacred?" "This event is truly mind boggling. How did the perpetrators access hundreds of homes, undiscovered, rifle through contents, and set up yard sales in a matter of hours?! And why? It's too bizarre." Stated the mayor. "It's a conspiracy." Stated a local conspiracy theorist. "This was no mysterious event. These people, whoever they are, were after my stamp collection, and staged this massive ploy as a cover-up. Director Oliver Stone has been in contact with me. My story will be told, just you wait and see." He concluded. "This event, though bizarre, is mundane as compared to previous recent events in Kendall." Stated an unnamed film producer who is staying in town. "I believe that our time here is spent. I will be returning to Southern California shortly." Once again, Kendall residents remain on edge, in anticipation of possibly more bizarre events.
DP-FL-04-01-00 1849EST Copyright 2000 By AF Waddell@ The Disassociated Press. The information c ontained in the DP news report may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or otherwise distributed without the prior written authority of The Disassociated Press.
Submitted By: AF Waddell
Sep 4, 2000 11:17