THE BOARD OF HEALTH HAS PROPOSED THAT THE FOLLOWING WARNING SIGNS BE PLACED ON BOOZE BOTTLES TO TIP OFF DRINKERS ABOUT THE POSSIBLE PERIL OF POUNDING A BREW OR TWO.

1. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with breath that could knock a buzzard off a s--- truck at 100 yards.
2. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an a--hole.
3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.
5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you REALLY think while photocopying your butt at the office Christmas party.
6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell ever happened to your pants anyway.
8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember)
9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burn on the forehead.
10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho.