How To Tell If You're Gonna Have A Bad Day
- You wake up - face down on the pavement
- You put your bra on backwards and it fits better
- You call Suicide Prevention and they put you on hold
- You see a "60 minutes" news team waiting for you in your office
- Your birthday cake collapses from the weight of the candle
- Your son tells you he wishes Anita Bryant would mind her own business
- You want to put on the clothes you wore home from the party but there
aren't any
- You turn on the news and they're showing emergency routes out of the
city
- Your twin sister forgets your birthday
- You wake up and discover your waterbed broke and then you realize you
don't have a waterbed
- Your carhorn goes off accidentally and remains stuck as you follow a
group of hells angels on the freeway
- Your wife wakes up feeling amourous and YOU have a headache
- Your boss tells you to not bother taking off you coat
- The bird singing outside your window is a buzzard
- You wake up and your braces are locked together
- You walk to work and find your dress is stuck in the back of your
panty hose
- You call your answering service and they tell you it's none of your
business
- Your blind date turns out to be your ex-wife
- Your income tax check bounces
- You put both contact lenses in the same eye
- Your pet rock snaps at you
- Your wife says "Good morning Bill", and your name is George.