Family Meeting
Meeting called to order at 11:00 AM. Chairman W. Bruce Cameron (Father) presiding.
11:01 AMChallenge to the chair from oldest daughter, questioning jurisdiction.
11:01 AMSummary ruling from the chair that oldest daughter is out of order and shut up.
11:01 AMMotion from oldest daughter that the meeting adjourn because the chair obviously won't listen.
11:01 AMMotion seconded by youngest daughter.
11:02 AMMotion and second ruled out of order by the chair.
11:02 AMNEW BUSINESS: A list, designated "chores" by the chair, read into the record.
11:05 AMPoint of information from oldest daughter that it is stupid to pick up the sticks in the yard because they come from trees and trees are nature.
11:06 AMPoint of information from youngest daughter that ten year old son is making faces.
11:06 AMPoint of information from son that youngest daughter is stupid.
11:06 AMSummary ruling from the chair that everyone is out of order and shut up.
11:07 AMChair indicates a willingness to accept nominations for the chore of picking up sticks.
11:08 AMMotion by oldest daughter that the chore be re-named "destroying the environment."
11:08 AMMotion seconded by youngest daughter.
11:09 AMVote by acclamation.
11:09 AMChair rules vote out of order, second out of order, motion out of order, sit down and shut up.
11:10 AMPoint of information from youngest daughter that son is making faces again.
11:11 AMRuling by the chair that anyone making faces will be assigned the chore of picking up sticks.
11:11 AMChair re-states the floor is open for nominations for the first chore.
11:11 AMYoungest daughter nominated by oldest daughter.
11:11 AMNomination seconded by son.
11:12 AMNominee requests the floor to speak on the subject of nomination.
11:12 AMChair recognizes Nominee.
11:12 AMNominee declines the nomination because last time she did all the work and all her sister and brother did was watch television.
11:12 AMPoint of information by oldest daughter that she had to watch the show for a homework assignment.
11:13 AMPoint of information by son: Yeah me too.
11:13 AMQuestion for the chair by youngest daughter: Since when is "Friends" a homework assignment?
11:14 AMPoint of information by oldest daughter that youngest daughter is wearing her shirt and she wants it back.
11:14 AMQuestion put to the chair: what does she want me to do, take it off right now?
11:14 AMPoint of information by son that this would be gross.
11:15 AMChair rules the subject of shirts is irrelevant.
11:15 AMOldest daughter protests the ruling on the basis that you always listen to her she is such a baby.
11:15 AMDebate: who's a baby?
11:20 AMChair calls for an end to the debate.
11:20 AMPoint of information by youngest daughter that a quorum doesn't exist because the son is no longer in attendance.
11:20 AMRoll call. A quorum is found to exist as son is retrieved from in front of the computer game "Hack 'Em to Death" and re-seated and recognized to be in attendance by the chair.
11:21 AMPoint of information by son that he had just made it to the next level in his game, "Serial Killer."
11:21 AMChair rules serial killers irrelevant where do you get these games anyway, and calls the question.
11:21 AMYoungest daughter nominates oldest daughter for the chore of picking up sticks.
11:21 AMSon seconds nomination.
11:22 AMPoint of information by the oldest daughter that she promised her friends she would drive them to the football game.
11:22 AMChair rules that football games are irrelevant.
11:22 AMOldest daughter protests ruling on the basis that this is unfair.
11:22 AMPoint of information from youngest daughter that son is doing that thing with his lips.
11:23 AMChair instructs son to discontinue all things with lips.
11:23 AMSpontaneous speech from oldest daughter on the subject of her nomination. Emotional delivery, concluding in statement for the record that she can't wait until she is eighteen and can have her own apartment.
11:23 AMYoungest daughter states for the record that she can't wait, either.
11:24 AMQuestion for the nominee from the son: will the apartment have a pool?
11:24 AMChair calls for a motion to close nominations.
11:25 AMYoungest daughter nominates son for the job of picking up sticks.
11:25 AMNomination seconded by oldest daughter.
11:26 AMNominee delivers short speech on the subject of the nomination, the theme of which seems to be, "hey, I had to clean up the dog poo."
11:30 AMChair calls for the close of nominations.
11:30 AMSon nominates chair for job of picking up sticks.
11:30 AMNomination seconded by oldest daughter.
11:31 AMChair rules itself ineligible.
11:32 AMDebate: Why should fathers be exempt from stick duty when he's the one who wants to destroy the environment?
11:45 AMChair calls for an end to the debate.
11:45 AMEveryone present having been nominated, the chair declares the nominations closed. The list of nominees is then read, with the chair calling for a voice vote. No votes are recorded by the chair.
11:46 AMThere having been no vote, the chair rules that the oldest daughter shall have the job of picking up sticks.
11:47 AMA statement is read into the record by the oldest daughter, identifying the chair as the meanest man who ever lived.
11:55 AMMotion to adjourn by youngest daughter.
11:55 AMMotion seconded by son.
11:55 AMChair rules that we have nineteen more chores to go through so sit down and shut up.
11:56 AMPoint of information by oldest daughter that she will not pick up sticks for anything less than ten dollars.
11:57 AMChair declares all chores are voluntary and therefore no compensation will be paid.
11:58 AMPoint of information by youngest daughter that a quorum no longer exists because oldest daughter has locked herself in the bathroom and is screaming I hate you I hate you.
11:58 AMChair rules oldest daughter must come out of the bathroom.
11:59 AMPoint of information (through bathroom door) that chair is ruining her life.
11:59 AMPoint of information by youngest daughter that son is doing that thing with his lips again.
12:00 AMChair restricts all family members to the grounds, discontinues telephone and TV privileges, and announces that no one will be allowed to eat until the chores are completed.
12:00 AMQuestion for the chair by son: Does TV include Nintendo?
12:01 AMChair rules that TV does include Nintendo.
12:01 AMPoint of information from youngest daughter that she was supposed to have Whitney spend the night tonight.
12:02 AMChair suspends all sleepovers, parties, and civil liberties.
12:03 AMYoungest daughter departs meeting and locks herself in a different bathroom.
12:04 AMQuestion for the chair by son: What are we supposed to do if we have to pee?
12:04 AMMeeting in recess pending extrication from bathroom.
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Submitted By: W. Bruce Cameron
Nov 2, 1998 11:57

This joke is rated: PG