For Sale:
* * * HOLY GRAIL * * *

$50 or best offer.

I got it cheap at a flea market. It's the real McCoy, and I thought I was getting a great deal. But it turned out not to be so hot from my point of view. I'll explain, because I don't want anyone saying how I cheated them if it wasn't what they expected.

First, the Grail sheds a pure and holy light. That's okay, and it's quite a conversation piece, but it's damn annoying when you're trying to sleep or watch TV. Covering the grail with a cloth does not seem to help for some reason. (We have been using white samite; perhaps this is the source of the problem?)

Second, only the pure of heart can touch or even look upon the Grail. Needless to say I do not qualify. This means that we haven't been able to dust behind it on the mantel since we put it in there. Therefore anyone who wants to purchase the Grail will have to come and carry it away themselves; we will not deliver it.

Third, every month or so since we have had the Grail, three white-clothed women have made a silent and eerie procession through our house. They also glow with a pure and holy light, and they have no consideration for any guests who happen to be living in the downstairs room. It sure is a good thing that they are silent, because I think otherwise the neighbors would surely have complained. We got enough weird glances as it is. To top it off, one of the glowing babes is carrying a spear which continually drips blood. True, the blood vanishes ere it touches the floor, but nevertheless I get queasy at the sight of blood and these women traipsing through my house with their cloth and blood and light and stuff at all hours of the day and night are really getting on my nerves.

Anyway that's the scoop. Perhaps someone else out there knows how to deal with these problems and would like to take the abominable cup off my hands?