How do you know if you're in love, in lust, or really married?

Love: When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
Lust: When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
Marriage: When your belt won't meet around your waist, and you don't care.

Love: When intercourse is called "making love."
Lust: All the other times.
Marriage: What's intercourse?

Love: When you argue over how many children to have.
Lust: When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
Marriage: When you argue over money.

Love: When you share everything you own.
Lust: When you think twice about giving your partner bus money.
Marriage: When the bank owns everything.

Love: When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
Lust: When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
Marriage: What's a climax?

Love: When you phone each other just to say, "Hi."
Lust: When you phone each other just to organize sex.
Marriage: When you phone each other to find out what time your son's game starts.

Love: When you write poems about your partner.
Lust: When all you write is your phone number.
Marriage: When all you write is checks.

Love: When you show concern for your partner's feelings.
Lust: When you couldn't give a s---.
Marriage: When your only concern is what's on TV.

Love: When your farewell is "I love you, darling..."
Lust: When your farewell is "So, same time next week..."
Marriage: When your farewell is silent.

Love: When you are proud to be seen in public with your partner.
Lust: When you only ever see each other is in the bedroom.
Marriage: When you never see each other awake.

Love: When your heart flutters everytime you see them.
Lust: When your groin twitches everytime you see them.
Marriage: When your wallet empties everytime you see them.

Love: When nobody else matters.
Lust: When nobody else knows.
Marriage: When everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.

Love: When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
Lust: When it's just the same old mushy s---.
Marriage: When you never listen to music.

Love: When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
Lust: When staying together is something you try not to think about.
Marriage: When just getting through today is your only thought

Love: When you're interested in everything your partner does.
Lust: When you're only interested in one thing.
Marriage: When you're not interested in what your partner does and the one thing you're interested in is your golf score.