Listen: I know many of you have had problems with fairly common "marketing terms." Madison Avenue throws so much at us, it's easy to be confused. Here's a little table to help keep them straight in your mind.

Lesson one:

Direct Marketing:

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, "I'm fantastic in bed."

Advertising:

You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's fantastic in bed."

Telemarketing:

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm fantastic in bed."

Public Relations:

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm fantastic in bed."

Brand Recognition:

You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, I hear you're fantastic in bed."

Got it?