Founding Father Thomas Jefferson has been found to have sired children by slave Sally Hennings. Recent DNA testing by an international team of geneticists has determined that "Yep, Tom was doing the slave girl."

A late night visit by News Briefs investigator Bruno Boxer to Jefferson's historic home in Monticello has turned up an interesting document. The document appears to be an early error-filled draft of the Declaration of Independence, which Jefferson authored. It reads

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all women are not created equal, that some are so well endowed by their Creator that they drive me wild. That to secure these melons, I'll use whatever power it takes. Oh, sweet Sally. Let me usurp you pulsating invariable with this object makes me wince. This is wholesome and good, though not in public. What a foundation, I must lay you now.

The rest of the note is stained and crumpled and is not legible with the unaided human eye. News Briefs will submit it to a laboratory for computer enhancement to determine if the remainder of the note can be read.