WASHINGTON, D.C. - Smokey Homme
A shaved-headed, thin lipped, Cajun-sounding character shoved an image (shown at right) into this reporter's hand while waiting for a friend at the corner of 14th and K streets. The man smiled evilly and said, "You know that they-ah Republican elephant? Well, he-ah it is from a dif-rent angle." He told us that this will be the next GOP logo.

"They spend so much time tryin' to dig up s--- on everyone, I figah this is what the grand old elephant is up to," he told me. The gentleman told this reporter his name, but shock of the picture made me forget. It was something like Cartown or Autovillage.

"Heh, heh," he laughed, "I guess this is one thing an elephant would like to forget." He fumbled around in his coat pocket and produced some photographs. "Want to see Newt Gingrich naked?"

Mr. Cartown glanced both ways quickly and said, "Ahv got to head on out now. Ahm goin' a go drag $100 bill through a trailor pahk and see if Paula Jones pops up. Bye now."