| Act | Points |
|---|---|
| Social Engagements | |
| You stay by her side the entire party | 0 |
| You stay by her side for awhile, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy | -2 |
| Named Tiffany | -4 |
| Tiffany is a dancer | -6 |
| Tiffany has implants | -8 |
|
| |
| You visit her parents | +1 |
| You visit her parents and actually make conversation | +3 |
| You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television | -3 |
| And the television is off | -6 |
| You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear | -6 |
| And you didn't even go to college | -10 |
| And it's not really your underwear | -15 |
|
| |
| You take her out to dinner | 0 |
| You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar | +1 |
| Okay, it's a sports bar | -2 |
| And it's all-you-can-eat night | -3 |
| It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted the colors of your favorite team | -10 |
| You give her a gift | 0 |
| You give her a gift, and it's a small appliance | -10 |
| You give her a gift, and it's not a small appliance | +1 |
| You give her a gift, and it isn't chocolate | +2 |
| You give her a gift that you'll be paying off for months | +30 |
| You wait until the last minute and buy her a gift that day | -10 |
| With her credit card | -30 |
| And whatever you bought is two sizes too big | -40 |
|
| |
| You forgot to pick her up at the bus station | -25 |
| Which is in Newark, New Jersey | -35 |
| And the pouring rain dissolves her leg cast | -50 |
|
| |
| You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings | +5 |
| But return with beer | -5 |
| You check out a suspicious noise at night | 0 |
| You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing | 0 |
| You check out a suspicious noise and it's something | +5 |
| You pummel it with a six iron | +10 |
| It's her father | -10 |
|
| |
| You have a few beers | -9 |
| For every beer after three | -2 again |
| And miss curfew by an hour | -12 |
| You get home at 3 a.m. | -20 |
| You get home at 3 a.m. smelling of booze and cheap cigars | -30 |
| And not wearing any pants | -40 |
| Is that a tattoo? -200 | |
|
| |
| You go see a comic | +2 |
| He's crude and sexist | -2 |
| You laugh | -5 |
| You laugh too much | -10 |
| She's not laughing | -15 |
| You laugh harder | -25 |
|
| |
| You lose the directions on a trip | -4 |
| You lose the directions and end up getting lost | -10 |
| You end up getting lost in a bad part of town | -15 |
| You get lost in a bad part of town and meet the locals up close & personal | -25 |
| She finds out you lied about having a black belt | -60 |
|
| |
| When she wants to talk about a problem, you listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression | 0 |
| When she wants to talk, you listen, for over 30 minutes | +5 |
| You listen for more than 30 minutes, without looking at the television or picking up a newspaper | +10 |
| She realizes this is because you've fallen asleep | -10 |
Submitted By: Joe Watson
1/9/97