| Type | Quote | Also Known As | Advantages | Disadvantages |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Joe Sensitive | "After I wash the dishes, let's cuddle, OK?" | Mr. Nice Guy, Family man, Honey, Darling, Soft- boiled Egg, Snugglepup | Well-behaved; irons own shirts | Irritatingly compassionate, wimpy |
| Old Man Grumpus | "People are stupid. The world can go to hell. Let's stay home and watch TV." | Grumbles, Sour puss, Stick-in-the-mud, Old Fogey, Slow Mover. Jerk | Stays put; predictable | Royal pain in the ass |
| Flinchy | "I--I'm sorry for whatever it was I did." | Trembly, Creampuff, Hey you | Jumps entertainingly when startled | Easily spooked; surrenders without a struggle |
| Bigfoot | "Shut yer trap, I'm thinkin'." | Chunk-style, Lummox, Ignoramus, Galoot, the Hulk, Big 'n' Dumb | Can tote bales; is easily fooled | Can break you in half, sweats like a pig |
| Lazybones | "Zzzzzz" | Lucky Dog, Parasite, Bum, Sponge, Snoozebucket, Drug Addict | Well rested; easy target | Unlikely to fulfil your dreams |
| The Sneak | "Who, me?" | Love Pirate, Snake, Rat, Slime, G-D Son of a Bitch | May feel pangs of guilt | May be having time of his life |
| Ace of Hearts | "After I wash the dishes let's make love like crazed weasels, OK?" | The Sizzler, Handyman, Dreamboat, Casanova, Monster | Perpetually aroused | Perpetually aroused |
| The Dreamer | "Someday I'm going to be rich and famous. I don't know how, but--" | Struggling artist, Philosopher, Buffoon, Bag of Wind, Fool | Tells good stories | Will turn into "Old Man Grumpus" |
| Mr. Right | "While the servants wash the dishes, let's make love like crazed weasels in my new yacht, ok?" | Mr. Perfect, Jim Dandy | Answer to a woman's prayer | Hunted to extinction |
Submitted By: Anonymous