Welfare Applicants
(These are supposedly sentences taken from actual letters received by local Welfare Departments from applicants for support. They made the rounds a few years ago. I have no proof that these are real, but they are pretty funny.)
- I am forwarding my marriage certificate and six children. I have 7, but one was Baptized on a half sheet of paper.
- I am writing to the Welfare Department to say that my baby was born two years old. When do I get my money?
- Mrs. Jones has not had any clothes for a year and has been visited by the clergy regularly.
- I cannot get sick pay. I have 6 children. Can you tell me why?
- I am glad to report that my husband who was missing, is dead.
- This is my eighth child. What are you going to do about it?
- Please find for certain if my husband is dead. The man I now live with can't eat or do anything until he knows.
- I am very much annoyed to find that you have branded my son as illiterate. This is a dirty lie as I was married a week before he was born.
- In answer to your letter, I have given birth to a boy weighing ten pounds. I hope this is satisfactory.
- I am forwarding my marriage certificate and three children, one of which is a mistake as you can see.
- My husband got his project cut off two weeks ago and I haven't had any relief since.
- Unless I get my husband's money pretty soon, I will be forced to lead an immortal life.
- You have changed my little boy to a girl. Will this make any
difference?
- I have no children yet as my husband is a truck driver and works day and night.
- In accordance with your instructions, I have given birth to twins in the enclosed envelope.
- I want my money as quick as I can get it. I've been in bed with the doctor for two weeks and he doesn't do me any good. If things don't improve, I will have to send for another doctor.
Submitted By: Raleigh Mann
Sep 11, 1997 19:51