Why Did The Florida Chicken Cross The Road?
- THE GORE CAMPAIGN
- Contrary to claims being made by the Bush campaign, the chicken has not crossed the road. And, even if it has, it will not cross the road again. What about the 19,000 chickens that were thrown out? What about the 3,500 ducks that were mistaken for chickens?
- THE PALM BEACH COUNTY FLORIDA CHICKEN
- I didn't mean to cross the road. Had I known I was crossing the road, I wouldn't have done it. I didn't even know the road was there. The sign was confusing and misleading. I demand my right not to cross the road, and, if necessary, will sue.
- FORMER SECRETARY OF STATE JAMES BAKER
- For the good of the country and for the sake of our standing in the world, the chicken should finish crossing the road for once and for all, and the business of an orderly transition to the other side of the road should begin.
- GORE CAMPAIGN MANAGER WILLIAM DALEY
- Because the arrow pointing across the road was misleading. It was not the true and accurate will of the chicken. The chicken should be taken back across the road and be allowed to make the decision once again.
- WARREN CHRISTOPHER
- We've come to believe that there are serious and substantial irregularities resulting from the road being crossed only in one county.
- JESSE JACKSON
- I received thousands of calls from chickens who were trying to cross the road, but who were stopped by road blocks set up by the white man. Thousands of others were forced to cross roads they had no intention of crossing by the white man. These chicken crossings do not pass the smell test. This is an unmistakable, unequivocal, unambiguous, and indisputable case of chicken discrimination and crossing fraud. We must have a federal investigation.
- JANET RENO
- Chicken crossings are state problems.
- VICE PRESIDENT GORE
- I like chickens. I invented chickens. I was with the chicken when it crossed the road. In 1974, long before any one else recognized the plight of chickens, I recognized their plight and began to fight for them. I am fighting for the chickens right now. I will not give up on the chickens crossing the road! I will fight for the chickens and I will not disappoint them.
- GOVERNOR GEORGE W. BUSH
- Chickness maybe need to cross the road, but I don't believe we need to get the chicknes across the road. I say give the road to the chicknes and let them decide. The govnerment needs to stop stranglinging the chickens and then getting them across the road. My mom likes chickens.
- SENATOR LIEBERMAN
- I believe that every chicken has the right to worship their God in their own way. Crossing the road is a spiritual journey and no chicken should be denied the right to cross the road in their own way.
- SECRETARY CHENEY
- Chickens are big-time because they have wings. They could fly if they wanted to. Chickens don't want to cross the road. They don't need help crossing the road. In fact, I'm not interested in crossing the road myself.
- RALPH NADER
- Chickens are misled into believing there is a road by the evil tiremakers. Chickens aren't ignorant, but our society pays tiremakers to create the need for these roads and then lures chickens into believing there is an advantage to crossing them. Down with the roads; up with chickens.
- PAT BUCHANAN
- That wasn't my chicken. I think it was Gore's.
Submitted By: Anonymous
Jan 19, 2001 07:02