"Hi, I'm a friend of Sharon's. I've brought a bottle. Is she here yet?" I shout, pushing my way through the door.

The hapless dork who opened the door does'nt stand a chance. My quick thinking door to door salesman training is too much for him.

The party's in full swing. The stereo is pumping out distorted music, people are are vomiting in the laundry basket, the rugby club is building a patio out of the empty beer cans and 15 teenage girls are passing around a bottle of Cinzano.

Another typical student party..............

I push my way into the crowded living room, swigging from my bottle of Thunderbird Wine. Feeling no pain. Even the monsters that live in my head have stayed away today.

A crowd of computer science students are huddled around the telephone, ringing "I play with myself while you listen" and "Lesbian Lavatory Lust" sex lines.

I nonchantly walk up to a loan female and change gear to "Pull mode".

"Hi babe, whats a free thinking chick like you doing in a cess pool of culture like this ?" (it used to work in the 70's)
"Being sick" she groans as the multi coloured vomit hits my shoes and pools on the floor. Bum....

A quick trip to the bathroom (careful not to piss on the couple having sex on the floor) and I'm back to my 100 % sex machine type self. I empty the bottle of Thunderbird and steal a bottle of Vodka from the heaving couple.

The kitchen, always the social centre of any student party.......

The rugby club are having a brick chewing competition and the "Gay Liberation for Confused Whale Society" are holding a seance around the cooker.

"Moby Dick....are you there" chants the leader of the Seance.
"Ahab is gone now, we want to understand your anger"

The bedroom. A glory hole of 'Vegetables have feelings too' posters and heaving bodies. I hear the endless conversation of boy/girl....

Boy:- "But I really love you. Everyone else is doing it. I'll still respect you in the morning"
Girl:- "But what if I get pregnant? I don't want anyone to think that I'm easy. Should it really be this floppy ?

An endless record. I side step the art student slowly painting a technicolor nightmare on all the walls and watch the sad little pervert video taping the bedroom couples having sex. I get his address and order a copy.

The vodka has nearly gone now. I'm beginning to feel watched again. I shake my head to clear the illusion of a rhino headed ostrich, wearing an orange scarf and frilly knickers.

I get down the stairs somehow. The door opens, the handle turning to cherry icecream under my hand.

"Hi, I'm a friend of Sharon's" says the armadillo, clutching a milk bottle full of writhing digits.

I stumble and fall headlong into the moonlit garden, a bottle crashes close to my head. Lets eat the weirdo comes the cry from the rugby club captain. I glance up and stare into the eyes of a shaven headed fat bastard, weilding a large electric chainsaw with the words "Have a nice day" written on the blade.

The throbbing blade descends,

"I'm all the people your mother warned you about. But you never listened did you ? Did you ?" he screams, foam dripping from his mouth (like all rugby players)

I black out........

I like it in the dark. Its safe. Maybe I should stay here, but there's still the moon..........

Check out the rest of ". . . And Still The Moon"