I broke my shoulder (shattered would be a better description)

So I've had time to sit, and think, and drink and experiment. Do you know that there are exactly 548 bricks in my fire place ? And that mixing malibu with acid makes you see orange coconuts ice-skating on the ceiling ? And evangelical house callers don't like been asked in to see your headless chicken collection ? And the postman does'nt like to see mantraps all over the road in front of your house (although the local vicar seemed to have a good time leading his Sunday school outing into the mine field.....)

I blame the doctor who put the screws in my arm. They're screwing with my mind (as if my mind was'nt screwed up enough already) The screws have a multi-mixed self-tapping micro-head thread that seems to pick up stray radio/television signals. And I set off all the car alarms in my street when ever I wear a nylon jacket. But never mind, it breaks the monotony of doing nothing.

I was bored (and sober) when it happened. I was wandering around, minding my own business, talking to trees and introducing complete strangers to our neighbours cat when I found my dream. A motorbike (Motorcycle to those who don't like the hooligan image of a bike)

We rode for miles, never tiring, stopping only for petrol and calls of nature (mine was the pint of petrol in a straight glass, hers was urination in a discreet location) Then it happened. The little green men caught up with me. I urged my new found freedom to greater speeds, crouching low over the petrol tank to avoid the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. We Raced the Wind then Raced with the Devil finally having to Dice with Death in Dead End Street. (variety is the spice of life...apparently).....

But they got me in the end. The trip in the ambulance was fun. The drugs they injected me were pale shades of my usual consumption (although I did have a tendency to dream about bright orange fire escapes roaming free over the endless plains of Belgium.) And I was asleep during the operation so I missed the best bits....

Maybe I'd have stopped them using that type of screw if I'd been awake. I'm currently listening to a re-run of 'Lost in Space' over dubbed in Russian on my right shoulder while all around me people are hitting cars with every day household objects in a vain attempt to 'fix' their car alarms. Personally speaking I'd outlaw all car's and their drivers. I'd make them sit in specially constructed cages and force them to chain smoke all day. (Or is that what I'd like to do to people who use animals to test out harmful products ? I forget. It's my mind you see, Its had very little general use and always makes a drama out of a crisis (In the same way that Jaws could be described as a fish with an attitude problem))

When's the next Full Moon..........

Check out the rest of ". . . And Still The Moon"