A guy walks into a bar with a monkey and orders a drink for himself. The bartender looks at the monkey and says to the guy "Hey, we have health standards here, get that monkey out of here!"

"Aw," says the guy, "He's Okay. I'll pay for any damages that he makes."

Ill at ease, the bartender agrees. After a few minutes, the monkey jumps from the bar over to the pool table, grabs the cue ball and swallows it.

"That's it!" the bartender screams, "Get that monkey out of here!"

"Hey," says the guy, "it's Okay. Look, I'll pay you $100 for the cue ball and leave."

The guy drops a $100 bill on the bar, gathers his monkey and leaves.

Two weeks later, the same guy with the same monkey show up at the same bar. The bartender, remembering the incident, says: "Listen buddy, are you going to keep your monkey in line?"

"Yeah," says the guy, "don't worry about any cue balls."

After a few minutes the monkey runs across the bar to a bowl of grapes and grabs one. He looks at the grape for a minute or two and promply shoves it up his rear end. Sitting there for a while, he then proceeds to eat the grapes one by one.

"That has to be the grossest thing I ever saw in my life," says the bartender.

"Yeah," says the guy, "but after the cue ball, he began to size everything he eats."