If We Bought Cars Like We Bought Computers
| Helpline | "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
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| Customer | "I got in my car and closed the door, and nothing
happened!"
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| Helpline | "Did you put the key in the ignition slot and turn
it?"
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| Customer | "What's an ignition?"
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| Helpline | "It's a starter motor that draws current from your
battery and turns over the engine."
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| Customer | "Ignition? Motor? Battery? Engine? How come I have to know
all of these technical terms just to use my car?"
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| Helpline | "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
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| Customer | "My car ran fine for a week, and now it won't go
anywhere!"
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| Helpline | "Is the gas tank empty?"
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| Customer | "Huh? How do I know!?"
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| Helpline | "There's a little gauge on the front panel, with a
needle, and markings from 'E' to 'F.' Where is the needle
pointing?"
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| Customer | "It's pointing to 'E.' What does that mean?"
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| Helpline | "It means that you have to visit a gasoline vendor,
and purchase some more gasoline. You can install it yourself,
or pay the vendor to install it for you."
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| Customer | "What!? I paid $12,000.00 for this car! Now you tell me
that I have to keep buying more components? I want a car that comes
with everything built in!"
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| Helpline | "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
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| Customer | "Your cars suck!"
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| Helpline | "What's wrong?"
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| Customer | "It crashed, that's what went wrong!"
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| Helpline | "What were you doing?"
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| Customer | "I wanted to run faster, so I pushed the accelerator pedal
all the way to the floor. It worked for a while, and then it crashed
and now it won't start!"
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| Helpline | "It's your responsibility if you misuse the product.
What do you expect us to do about it?"
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| Customer | "I want you to send me one of your latest versions that
doesn't crash anymore!"
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| Helpline | "General Motors Helpline, how can I help you?"
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| Customer | "Hi! I just bought my first car, and I chose your car
because it has automatic transmission, cruise control, power
steering, power brakes, and power door locks."
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| Helpline | "Thanks for buying our car. How can I help you?"
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| Customer | "How do I work it?"
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| Helpline | "Do you know how to drive?"
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| Customer | "Do I know how to what?"
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| Helpline | "Do you know how to DRIVE?"
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| Customer | "I'm not a technical person! I just want to go places in
my car!"
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