Facts Of Life
- Psychiatrists say that 1 of 4 people are mentally ill. Check 3
friends. If they're OK, you're it.
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Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the
answer.
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Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.
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A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.
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It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in
rats.
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Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn.
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If you are given on open-book exam, you will forget your book.
COROLLARY: If you are given a take-home test, you will forget
where you live.
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The trouble with doing something right the first time is that
nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
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It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.
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Paul's Law: You can't fall off the floor.
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The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because
the average man can see better than he can think.
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Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's
easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid,
too.
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A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell and make
you feel happy to be on your way.
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Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence
on society.
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Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from
where you left them to where you can't find them.
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Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan
will not be evenly distributed.