Things Not To Say During A Presentation
- "Oh my God"
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Call professor by their first name
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Call professor by the wrong name
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Wear jeans
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Make noises that sound like a horse
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Play with every item you can get your hands on (pen, papers, pointer, etc.)
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"If you don't understand this, don't worry - neither do I"
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Put the wrong class name on your overheads
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Put the wrong date on your overheads
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Name your PowerPoint presentation file something like "yomama" (actually
done!) when it will show on the screen
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Use abbreviations for non-recognizable terms - OD for outer diameter
(looks more like overdose to me)
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Wear a suit without a tie
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Wear sneakers with a suit
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Wear a baseball cap backwards with a suit
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Start with something other than a title page
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Use a font size less than 20 pt.
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Use any overheads that have been handwritten
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"In order to DUE a calibration ..." (written on overhead)
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Have to go back to an overhead more than once
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"Anyway, that's the way it goes ...(laugh)"
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"... so we're not really sure what going on there"
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Use "w/" as an abbreviation for with
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Bring a baby to class the day of your presentation
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"Don't touch the specimens we're passing around"
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Use the pointer like it's a magic wand
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Use the pointer as if "knighting" the screen
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Point to the obvious - i.e. "This figure .... (point to the only figure
on the screen) ..."
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Use a font that makes your words look like the Olympic rings
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"We didn't draw any conclusions about this"
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Give your group a name that spells out an acronym
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Use a light purple font, or better yet - fluorescent colors
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Use the landscape of the moon as the background for your overheads
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Walk around aimlessly, as though you were an expectant father
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"It came out, it went back in, it came out again ..." (was it doing the
hokey-pokey?)
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Use motions that are as cryptographic as 3rd base coach signals when
describing your project
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Put the next overhead on before removing the old one
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"The final thing we got was the end product"
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Start in the middle of your presentation
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Have one group member be a "narrator" who's only function is to introduce
each group member and say what part of the presentation they'll be doing
(it's story book time)
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Open and close the pointer every time you use it
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Talk loud enough to drown out a jet engine
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Make overheads that don't fit on a normal overhead projector
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Speak in a foreign language
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Talk so fast that you sound like the guy from the Micro-Machine commercials
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Wave at the screen like it's a monster in the distance
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Use exclamation points as bullets
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Say "first of all" when starting each new section (i.e. "First of all,
our conclusion was that ....")
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"This is our contraption"
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"... and then the whole thing got busted up real good"